Its been a rough week. I just feel so overwhelmed , uncomfortable and hot. I have felt really sick the last couple of days and I can’t escape the heat, I know that things will be better when Erez is home. I need a break from work, home and am just so tired. The thing is that I feel like I should be trying to relax, preserve my energy and actually all that is happening is that I am getting more and more unable to feel like I can cope. I wish I could take a break from work, sleep, potter at home. I feel sick of everything. The baby is coming in 5 weeks and I feel so rundown I don’t know where I am going to get the energy. Nothing is organized and the thought of doing it is too much right now. I really wanted to paint Yonatan’s room before the baby was born and give him lots of love and special attention and spend quality time with him, where in fact I am doing the opposite. He is pushing boundaries understandably with all the changes going on and although I know the right thing to do, I am so reactive and intolerant at the moment. I feel like I am at my emotional capacity. I also feel angry at the moment but I’m not really sure why, I feel angry a lot, and it scares me to think that I have turned into an angry person.
I miss having friends to talk to and get support and reassurance from. It is a big part of my life missing here and it makes be sad that I don’t really see that situation getting any better here. I wish that I could not need it so much; I think it would make life here a lot easier. Its not how I wanted to be feeling just before having this baby. We waited so long fo her and wanted her so much.

Positivity

I felt like writing something today , but can't think of anything positive to say. Which is a shame because I like to think that I am usually a positive, optimistic person. Well.. I think I am. I was awful to Yonatan yesterday , big grumpy and hormonal...So my goal for today is to try to be as patient and loving as I can. He is having a hard time with Erez away and a Mum that isn't at all enthusiastic about playing football or tennis, with her enormous stomach and swollen ankles. Lets face it bending to pick up the ball is a challenge. On the positive side , arranged an ice cream play date at 4.30 today.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you !

Thinking of you makes me see the beauty of each day.

Frangipani

There is something so beautiful about Frangipani. This picture makes me feel uplifted.